I am procrastinating. I am supposed to be writing something that I don’t really want to write but I have to. So instead, I finished watching “The Forbidden Kingdom” on DVD and am currently listening to Liz Phair. The song, “Rock Me” has been playing in my head on repeat but it has only been the other day that I have been able to arrange my CD collection. Arrange according to what is not clear even to me. But at least, despite the chaos of my mind, I tried.
I hate making decisions, especially the big ones. When you have no choice, it’s a lot easier. This is the only choice, you have no say in it, deal with it. But if the possibilities are endless and you have the luxury of changing your mind, then that’s where the complication comes in. Everything is up to you. In the end, your decision is your own and no one else’s. When before I could say, “My dad made me do it,” or “My mom made me do it,” or “The universe made me do it,” now, it’s just me. All me. How to cope?
Obviously, I am in the process of making major life decisions. I’ve made one major one already. So far, I haven’t regretted coming home yet, not by a mile. Now, I’ve changed my mind again about something. My life is turning into one big soap opera. I don’t know where I’m headed, yet I actually know what I want deep down. I just refused to acknowledge it for the past couple of months. It’s easier being in limbo. But my time is about to expire.
I don’t normally blog about personal things. I’d rather blog about issues, about movies I’ve seen, TV, what have you. It’s hard to blog about personal matters when it’s public, when even those who don’t like you can freely log on and read what’s on your mind. But once you do, you experience catharsis and things actually become clearer.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…
2 Comments
May 30, 2008 at 11:15 pm
That’s what they call “a problem of plenty.” Don’t worry, and roll with the punches.
May 30, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Hi Dom.
Thanks. I’m about to roll.